2009. (keeping the sentimentalism to a minimum)

fail. epic blog fail.

yes, i've been busy for the past few weeks... hence not posting. please accept my sincere apologies. it happens.

right?

let's move on.

i'm currently sitting in the ft. myers florida airport. this is not my first plane ride over my 6 week break from work... and it's not going to be my last either.

here's the rundown

the last night of work at the OEC we had our christmas party. it was a good time, but i had to leave relatively early to get back to my mom's house to fly out to washington the next morning! my washington adventure was FANTASTIC! i had so much fun with murphy and the eberles and all of the other random people i met while i was there. i loved helping out at cheese louise too!! i cant even put it all into words, but it was great to be there, i was sad to go. but i had to be back for christmas!

i flew back to detroit on the 22 at night (it was a late night adventure with a few flight issues, but not the worst on record...) and then headed to dad's on the 23rd. we did the usual-ish christmas thing and i very much enjoyed bonding with my little sister on christmas eve. :)

christmas itself was pretty fun too. not a lot of excitement, a little napping and wii playing. oh and northstar wine. yay!!

on the 26th mom and i flew down here to florida to see family. we didnt really do a lot of exciting things- just spending time with grandpa and grandma and then with uncle steve, cory, and kelly. uncle steve, the boys, mom, and i did go to tampa one night- which included go-karts and lots of sports watching. lol. oh man.

so... here i am. airport. again.

i'll be back to the mitten just in time for new year's eve celebrating- which will consist of a very 14 year old-esque slumber party. lol. amanda kelly's coming over, and we're really just going to hang out, play wii, watch tv, and eat mozzerella sticks, and talk about boys?? lol. i'm looking forward to it.

hopefully tomorrow i will get to see elisabeth...

and saturday... well... um, see murphy got a puppy this week... so i'm going to see it... in washington. until jan 19.

don't judge me.

i moved my wisdom teeth extraction to jan 20.. so pretty much recovery from jan 20-24.. and back to work for the 25th. *phew!* so much for a "break". but it's ok. i love my life. and i wouldnt have it any other way.

2009, you were good to me. thanks for everything. lots of great friends, firsts (waterskiing, downhill skiing, disneyland...) and sweet experiences (cheese shop, wine tasting, wilderness trips, dance parties...)

there's so much to experience in 2010. can't wait. bring it.

"i can't stop partyin, partying, i gotta have the drum, i gotta have the beat...no sleep, no stop, i am always on a mission..." weezer, can't stop partying

camp-isms

so i was on my way to take a shower tonight (yes, i walk outside 60 steps to the bathhouse to shower or pee. get over it.) and i ran into one of my co-workers (scott- the one who calls me 'fern gully') and we got into a conversation about our students for a few minutes.

afterwards i kind of laughed to myself at the oddities that make up the world of camp. there are so many very strange things that seem very normal to "camp people". granted, they're not necessarily universal, and it depends on one's role at camp, but i suppose that at some point most people will encounter one or all of these camp-isms.

here's the start of a much larger list...

1) immersing yourself in a very deep conversation with someone else... while standing in the woods holding your toothbrush/pajamas/shower caddy, etc. because you were on your way to the bathhouse.

2) no separation between work and non-work life, except for on days off. (and even then it's not always easy) this phenomenon is far worse if you live on camp.

3) having conversations about how often (or infrequently) you shower/do laundry,etc.

4) developing a very thorough understanding of your co-workers' eating habits (mostly because you all have the same options for meals). the best for me was at honeyrock- we'd come in for a meal and it was always someone's favorite or least favorite meal. my favorite honeyrock meal was quesadilla day and my least was grilled cheese... the only good thing about grilled cheese day is knowing tomorrow is not grilled cheese day.

5) remember certain guests/campers. "remember billy? and joey from the week after? yeah, this kid is like a combination of both of them... but more whiney." (that's not an actual quote, but things like that happen often)

6) irregular sleeping patterns

7) irregular schedules (ah but the familiarity of consistent inconsistency)

8) the fact that none of us make very much money... but we love what we do (even if we neglect to show it as frequently as we should)

that's it for now.

because i need to dry my hair, then sleep. i have to work early shift tomorrow.... grossssssss.

white flakes glistening with hope

this whole week has been a tease.

every morning when i wake up my eyes snap open and i thrust aside the curtains in hopes of witnessing a crisp white blanket covering the decaying remnants of fall.

no such luck thus far.

on monday it "snowed" for like 3 minutes- and by "snow" i mean pathetic little white dots fell from the sky. lame.

today after lunch i looked outside and gasped audibly, then went running out the front door when i saw more visible white flakes falling from the sky. alas, this was short lived, but i enjoyed twirling outside in the parking lot cheering the fragile flakes earthward.

this week has been really great for a number of reasons. my heart has just been filled with hope and a sense of adventure. i can feel the hand of the Lord holding me, my eyes fixed on Him as he whispers how He loves me so much that He will provide for me in every possible way- far beyond my wildest dreams.

and it's this hope that brings me joy, which seems fitting for this advent season. it's the preparation for christmas that people love so much. 25 days of christmas movies, nonstop christmas music for over a month, weeks of "holiday" themed everything... we love getting ready for christmas. and, for me at least, this is why the actual event itself is often somewhat of a letdown. it happens, it's over, and inevitably a new year is coming.

it's the hope of the holiday (and hopefully the hope of what the holiday represents) that gets people excited.

these things have been stirring in my mind this evening.

hope for the holiday season and, ultimately, hope for the future.

i got an unexpected phone call this evening that provides hope for whatever is next after my season here at clear lake. it brought me vast amounts of hope, peace, and joy. when we hung up, i was bubbling over with excitement at the prospect of what could be. and as i walked outside to switch my laundry the biggest flakes of the season danced in the air around me.

and looking outside my window right now i'm watching them as they fall, white flakes glistening with the hope of what could be.

"time together is just never quite enough. when you and i are alone, i've never felt so at home. what will it take to make or break this hint of love? only time, only time..." owl city, the saltwater room

going, going, gone....

there are not words to begin to describe how incredibly beautiful the moon is this evening. i tried to take a picture, but it doesn't even come close to doing it justice... seriously.

and i know the God that made that moon, that created the scene above me this evening.

praise be to God.

angela had commented on the beautiful state of the sky, but i still didn't really notice it until i walked outside a few minutes ago. in my 60 steps to the bathhouse i had some deep thoughts, desperate yearnings, bubbling up of hope...

the moon doesnt shine because it's lit up inside. the moon's "light" is a reflection of the sun. so really, moonlight is sunlight. some nights it's pitch black outside, other evenings there is just a sliver of crescent moon hanging in the distance. i've seen deep red harvest moons and hazy halos on delicate winter nights. last year at honeyrock i still can vividly remember one night when some of us GPAs got back from town and just gasped in awe of the unbelievable halo encircling the moon.

how can anyone look up at a sky like that, like the one tonight, and not believe that there is a Creator who loves us and cares for His creation and creates these scenes over and over in uniquely endless ways for our enjoyment? all of creation worships the Creator, and the bright moonlight is just one small example of this truth.

the moon is so bright that it's almost an eerie replica of daylight.

and i want to shine like that.

i want to find a way to reflect God's light that it makes them stop in wonder and awe and question where that brightness has come from. it's not from the moon, but a reflection of the sun.

----

i work for a public school. we're not allowed to pray before meals, instead we have a "moment of silence" so people can give thanks in any way they choose.

i never pray for the food.

i always pray something like this, "Lord give me the strength to show your love to the people i work with today, children and adults alike. grant me peace, patience, and the overwhelming ability to love that only comes from you."

it's not always that eloquent.

and i love the days when i remember to pray that prayer... and the ways i see God work through it.

this week i have the privilege of having 3 boys with special needs in my class. these kids bring me an immeasurable amount of joy. i wish i didnt have to teach at all this week and could just spend all of my time walking with them, helping them, loving them. they are so amazing to me. i have this defensive heart for them too- one of the other students from another class got a disgusted look on his face when jacob, a child with fairly high functioning autism, sat next to him during the game i was facilitating this evening during "battle of the gameshows". i may have overreacted... but i got close to him, used my serious voice, and let him know that i saw the way he responded and i would not tolerate that kind of behavior in my classroom.

i just get overwhelmed with justice for these kids. it happened to me this summer too, when some of the high school boys were picking on a boy with CP in their cabin... i wanted to scream, wait, i actually think i did... and those high school boys ridiculed me for close to an hour because of it. it was horrible, but who else will stand up for those who can't stand up for themselves? someone has to.

i vow to protect those who are [weak, poor, sick, afraid, abused, marginalized, mistreated, unable, different, defenseless...]

i want to live a life that stands up for those who can't stand up for themselves.

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"the world is glistening, we found our warmest coats, you pulled your tall boots on, out in the winter snow we're going, going gone..." ellery, going gone

falling slowly

i'm a music addict and i won't be able to sleep until i get it out there how much i love this song. i rediscovered it through a random series of events, and it's so hauntingly beautiful that it just brings me chills.

it's from the movie "once"

falling slowly

i don't know you, but i want you all the more for that

words fall through me and always fool me and i can't react

games that never amount to more than they're meant will play themselves out

take this sinking boat and point it home, we've still got time

raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice, you've made it now

falling slowly, eyes that know me, and i can't go back

moods that take me and erase me and i'm painted black

you have suffered enough, and warred with yourself, it's time that you won

....

*sigh*

so good.

p.s. happy december.