Saturday, January 15, 2011

hey there mitten state.

i'm in michigan right now, wrapping up my week long trip to the mitten state. i've had a lot of adventures and got the opportunity to see a lot of people i love. today i get to hang out with one of my very best friends and go to a red wings game with my mom and her tonight! :)

washington feels very far away from here. i mean, i know it's 2000 miles, but it feels worlds away. and i know that getting back to WA means a world of change for me.

the longer i live away, the more my aching desire to be in michigan has begun to subside. i never felt like i NEEDED to get away from my home state. i've just had a lot of sweet opportunities all over the country. and i go where the awesome is. :)
i do feel like i'm starting to get a better grasp on the "what's next" monster in my life. thankfully, no immediate action needs to be taken and i have a lot of flexibility still.
i really really really really would like to start grad school in the fall of 2012.
i'm planning on taking the GRE this summer.
i have one program picked out, but i should probably expand my potential schools a bit. though part of me feels like if i don't get into THIS specific program then i might just apply for "real" jobs instead. hmmm. decisions.
either way, if i start my grad program in 2012 i think i can have a master's degree before i'm 30. :)

gosh, 30 seems so old.

life's always interesting, always entertaining, and it's full of more things than i could ever hope to see or do in a thousand lifetimes.

life is good, God is good.
and i'm in love with both.

Monday, December 13, 2010

it's SO cliche to say i have ADHD... but it's true...

i don't like it when people use any sort of emotional/mental/physical "abnormality" as a crutch. nobody's perfect. we've all got something that doesn't function the way we'd like it to. right?
well, about a year ago i took a screening test which said i scored a 99 on its scale-- anything above 70 they considered "high" probability of having adult adhd. so... there's that.
i'm starting to learn that having adhd is more than just not being able to sit still or pay attention. the more i read the more i realize how many of the frustrations in my personality can be explained and understood because of this challenge. not that this is an excuse- it's part of who i am. it's not going to go away. i don't really want it to. i would like to find a way to cope with it better so that i can help those around me cope with me.
does that make sense?

for instance, the questions on the test are as follows (keep in mind i answered "very much" or "quite a lot" to every single one of these...):

1. Do you have a sense of underachievement, of not meeting your goals, regardless of how much you have actually accomplished?

2. I find it difficult to read written material unless it is very interesting or very easy.

3. Especially in groups, I find it hard to stay focused on what is being said in conversations.

4. I have a quick temper...a short fuse.

5. I am irritable, and get upset by minor annoyances.

6. I say things without thinking, and later regret having said them.

7. I make quick decisions without thinking enough about their possible bad results.

8. My relationships with people are made difficult by my tendency to talk first and think later.

9. My moods have highs and lows.

10. I have trouble planning in what order to do a series of tasks or activities.

11. I easily become upset.

12. I seem to be thin skinned and many things upset me.

13. I almost always am on the go.

14. I am more comfortable when moving than when sitting still.

15. In conversations, I start to answer questions before the questions have been fully asked.

16. I usually work on more than one project at a time, and fail to finish many of them.

17. There is a lot of "static" or "chatter" in my head.

18. Even when sitting quietly, I am usually moving my hands or feet.

19. In group activities it is hard for me to wait my turn.

20. My mind gets so cluttered that it is hard for it to function.

21. My thoughts bounce around as if my mind is a pinball machine.

22. My brain feels as if it is a television set with all the channels going at once.

23. I am unable to stop daydreaming.

24. I am distressed by the disorganized way my brain works.

there ya go.

this is my world.

love me or leave me i guess... (i suggest the former)

and yes, i somehow got on this kick while working on increasing my vocabulary for the GRE...

enough of this malingering.

Monday, October 18, 2010

there are so many things i should be doing right now.

but i haven't blogged in like a billion years. i mean, it's mid FALL for cryin out loud.
life's been busy. and entertaining. and dynamic. etc, etc, etc.

so here i sit. it's "cold" here today. i love it. i'm sitting outside at starbucks on this sunshiney morning. i'm wearing my fleece and sippin some delightful soy cinnamon dolce latte. yum. i just got done working my YMCA job and i'm scheduled to work at the cheese shop from open until i have to go back to the kiddos at 2:45pm. thought it would be more fun to stay out and about all day today. i get distracted at home and never get any work done. i've got lots to do for sommelier class and now i've got an adventure to plan with hope. we're going away this weekend. oh man... might be in over my head on this one... :)

i'm not really sure how to update my life over the past uhh 4 months. gosh has it really been that long since i blogged last? yeesh. fail.
i still work for the Y. i'm also at cheese louise at least once a week. i'm taking a sommelier class so i can be a wine expert... or something like that. i spend a lot of time at gold's gym. angie spent the better part of the summer with us. i got stitches this summer right before my trip home to michigan. i got in a car accident a few weeks ago (still waiting to get my car fixed.. bleh). mom and dani came to visit in august (we went to portland on a train). i'm slowly making friends of my own. murphy and evan built me a room (which i painted green). and now, somehow it's mid october. time feels like it's spinning out of control away from me. i never feel like i have time for anything because i'm too busy doing everything, but at the same time i rationalize that i'm not really THAT busy. maybe it's because i spend a lot of time with people. i try to make a point to plan as many 1 on 1 "dates" with people as possible. i got into this bad habit of forgetting about relationships with others for awhile in my life, so being out here is a fresh start of sorts. plus i want to spend as much time with hope as possible before she leaves for uganda in january.

all that said, i probably should get back to doing something productive.
hope you've enjoyed this update... :)

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

summer at the Y is much different than school year. it's a lot more work, that's for sure. but i do like my new co-workers. it's been good to meet some more people in the tri-cities. and it's very funny that rachel (who works am/pm with me) went to wheaton. small world?
i've bike commuted three times in the past 2 weeks. i like it. even today when it was hot, i still liked it. go me.
you know what i don't like? the three stitches in my left hand. *sigh* go me again...
i had an incident with a large knife.

anyway, i leave friday night for michigan. the first 3 days are going to be ridiculous. working a marathon day on friday (as usual) and flying through the night to get to detroit by 6:30am. i think the family reunion starts around noon on saturday? so that all day, then either leaving saturday night or sunday to head up to evart with elisabeth.
monday morning will involve a lot of sleeping...

it will be good to get away for a week i think. for a lot of reasons. things are good here, but flying across the country for a week allows for a bit of perspective to take hold. and i need some perspective right now.

i also was hoping to do more fun outdoorsey things this summer, since i actually have time off. but that hasn't happened quite as much as i planned. oh well, still 2 more months of summer and a very warm fall to look forward to, right?

the end.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

yeah, i'm still here.
busy. (when is it not?)
but here.

life's good. it's getting HOT here.
i'm falling in love with my new bike. i biked to the shop from the 503 yesterday (11 miles). it was sweet. hoping to start bike commuting this week with my job relocating to vista elementary for the summer, only 5 miles. if i can get myself to leave the house by 5:15am i can bike every morning. contemplating biking afternoons too, or maybe one or the other... might be too hot. not enough shade here in the desert...

my garden is garden is getting HUGE. oh man. i think the tomato plants are going to take over the entire universe. can't wait until they're ready to pick.

i'll be heading to michigan in less than 2 weeks for a week long "vacation". i booked my ticket months ago, but it still seems like it has snuck up on me. like HUZZAH it's SUMMER.


Monday, May 3, 2010

musings, updates, thoughts, windy days...

i'm sneaky practicing my facilitation skills lately on my YMCA kids.
i'm actually pretty excited about it- this is the most diverse developmental age range i believe i've ever facilitated teambuilding type activities for. (K-5th grade)
they love it, and it's starting to change them. it's amazing how being consistent on just a few things over the past month has produced some awesome changes in those kids, from insisting they say "please" and "thank you" to the way they approach doing homework. this job is a unique learning experience for sure.
i think this entire time in my life is unique- but then again, so has most of my life since college. i sort of love my life.
though i will admit i'm already feeling that familiar itch to figure out "what's next". but only because i'm so used to searching. obviously i don't see myself working at the YMCA before/after school position i'm in now for the rest of my life, i am sort of setting the goal to stay here a year though. we'll see how that goes. i was pretty set on it until i started feeling that familiar aching to take an outward bound course. there is one in the pacific northwest this fall... it's 50 days and $6000. if i could get a scholarship to pay for half i might be able to do it. but only maybe. and part of it is the money, the other big part is my body- my back and i have not been best friends lately. partly because i'm trying to avoid taking painkillers. i just want my back to stop hurting. ugh.

when people ask me what i want to do with the rest of my life i really don't know what to tell them. i'm happy here now. sometimes i want to think about "someday", but most days, i'm content living in the wonder that is today.

i'm thankful for each thing i've learned at each stage of my unpredictable life. i appreciate seeing each lesson play out tangibly and beautifully before my very eyes. even just now, as i was typing, holed up in my room for the first time since i've lived down here in the basement, and murphy came in and we spent the last half hour chatting. (though she made me go outside... it's cold out there!) i remember making a promise to myself to strive to put relationships in a higher priority in my life. even when that makes my calculated life a little less comfortable. i am, in many ways, quite an introvert.

in summation, i have no idea what beautiful portrait the landscape of my life will be when all is said and done. all i know is i want it to be said of me that i loved Jesus and loved others, wholeheartedly, unselfishly, recklessly.

grace and peace to you this day.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Hope, Hero, and I went to palouse falls this weekend.
it was beautiful.