Monday, December 13, 2010

it's SO cliche to say i have ADHD... but it's true...

i don't like it when people use any sort of emotional/mental/physical "abnormality" as a crutch. nobody's perfect. we've all got something that doesn't function the way we'd like it to. right?
well, about a year ago i took a screening test which said i scored a 99 on its scale-- anything above 70 they considered "high" probability of having adult adhd. so... there's that.
i'm starting to learn that having adhd is more than just not being able to sit still or pay attention. the more i read the more i realize how many of the frustrations in my personality can be explained and understood because of this challenge. not that this is an excuse- it's part of who i am. it's not going to go away. i don't really want it to. i would like to find a way to cope with it better so that i can help those around me cope with me.
does that make sense?

for instance, the questions on the test are as follows (keep in mind i answered "very much" or "quite a lot" to every single one of these...):

1. Do you have a sense of underachievement, of not meeting your goals, regardless of how much you have actually accomplished?

2. I find it difficult to read written material unless it is very interesting or very easy.

3. Especially in groups, I find it hard to stay focused on what is being said in conversations.

4. I have a quick temper...a short fuse.

5. I am irritable, and get upset by minor annoyances.

6. I say things without thinking, and later regret having said them.

7. I make quick decisions without thinking enough about their possible bad results.

8. My relationships with people are made difficult by my tendency to talk first and think later.

9. My moods have highs and lows.

10. I have trouble planning in what order to do a series of tasks or activities.

11. I easily become upset.

12. I seem to be thin skinned and many things upset me.

13. I almost always am on the go.

14. I am more comfortable when moving than when sitting still.

15. In conversations, I start to answer questions before the questions have been fully asked.

16. I usually work on more than one project at a time, and fail to finish many of them.

17. There is a lot of "static" or "chatter" in my head.

18. Even when sitting quietly, I am usually moving my hands or feet.

19. In group activities it is hard for me to wait my turn.

20. My mind gets so cluttered that it is hard for it to function.

21. My thoughts bounce around as if my mind is a pinball machine.

22. My brain feels as if it is a television set with all the channels going at once.

23. I am unable to stop daydreaming.

24. I am distressed by the disorganized way my brain works.

there ya go.

this is my world.

love me or leave me i guess... (i suggest the former)

and yes, i somehow got on this kick while working on increasing my vocabulary for the GRE...

enough of this malingering.