2009. (keeping the sentimentalism to a minimum)

fail. epic blog fail.

yes, i've been busy for the past few weeks... hence not posting. please accept my sincere apologies. it happens.

right?

let's move on.

i'm currently sitting in the ft. myers florida airport. this is not my first plane ride over my 6 week break from work... and it's not going to be my last either.

here's the rundown

the last night of work at the OEC we had our christmas party. it was a good time, but i had to leave relatively early to get back to my mom's house to fly out to washington the next morning! my washington adventure was FANTASTIC! i had so much fun with murphy and the eberles and all of the other random people i met while i was there. i loved helping out at cheese louise too!! i cant even put it all into words, but it was great to be there, i was sad to go. but i had to be back for christmas!

i flew back to detroit on the 22 at night (it was a late night adventure with a few flight issues, but not the worst on record...) and then headed to dad's on the 23rd. we did the usual-ish christmas thing and i very much enjoyed bonding with my little sister on christmas eve. :)

christmas itself was pretty fun too. not a lot of excitement, a little napping and wii playing. oh and northstar wine. yay!!

on the 26th mom and i flew down here to florida to see family. we didnt really do a lot of exciting things- just spending time with grandpa and grandma and then with uncle steve, cory, and kelly. uncle steve, the boys, mom, and i did go to tampa one night- which included go-karts and lots of sports watching. lol. oh man.

so... here i am. airport. again.

i'll be back to the mitten just in time for new year's eve celebrating- which will consist of a very 14 year old-esque slumber party. lol. amanda kelly's coming over, and we're really just going to hang out, play wii, watch tv, and eat mozzerella sticks, and talk about boys?? lol. i'm looking forward to it.

hopefully tomorrow i will get to see elisabeth...

and saturday... well... um, see murphy got a puppy this week... so i'm going to see it... in washington. until jan 19.

don't judge me.

i moved my wisdom teeth extraction to jan 20.. so pretty much recovery from jan 20-24.. and back to work for the 25th. *phew!* so much for a "break". but it's ok. i love my life. and i wouldnt have it any other way.

2009, you were good to me. thanks for everything. lots of great friends, firsts (waterskiing, downhill skiing, disneyland...) and sweet experiences (cheese shop, wine tasting, wilderness trips, dance parties...)

there's so much to experience in 2010. can't wait. bring it.

"i can't stop partyin, partying, i gotta have the drum, i gotta have the beat...no sleep, no stop, i am always on a mission..." weezer, can't stop partying

camp-isms

so i was on my way to take a shower tonight (yes, i walk outside 60 steps to the bathhouse to shower or pee. get over it.) and i ran into one of my co-workers (scott- the one who calls me 'fern gully') and we got into a conversation about our students for a few minutes.

afterwards i kind of laughed to myself at the oddities that make up the world of camp. there are so many very strange things that seem very normal to "camp people". granted, they're not necessarily universal, and it depends on one's role at camp, but i suppose that at some point most people will encounter one or all of these camp-isms.

here's the start of a much larger list...

1) immersing yourself in a very deep conversation with someone else... while standing in the woods holding your toothbrush/pajamas/shower caddy, etc. because you were on your way to the bathhouse.

2) no separation between work and non-work life, except for on days off. (and even then it's not always easy) this phenomenon is far worse if you live on camp.

3) having conversations about how often (or infrequently) you shower/do laundry,etc.

4) developing a very thorough understanding of your co-workers' eating habits (mostly because you all have the same options for meals). the best for me was at honeyrock- we'd come in for a meal and it was always someone's favorite or least favorite meal. my favorite honeyrock meal was quesadilla day and my least was grilled cheese... the only good thing about grilled cheese day is knowing tomorrow is not grilled cheese day.

5) remember certain guests/campers. "remember billy? and joey from the week after? yeah, this kid is like a combination of both of them... but more whiney." (that's not an actual quote, but things like that happen often)

6) irregular sleeping patterns

7) irregular schedules (ah but the familiarity of consistent inconsistency)

8) the fact that none of us make very much money... but we love what we do (even if we neglect to show it as frequently as we should)

that's it for now.

because i need to dry my hair, then sleep. i have to work early shift tomorrow.... grossssssss.

white flakes glistening with hope

this whole week has been a tease.

every morning when i wake up my eyes snap open and i thrust aside the curtains in hopes of witnessing a crisp white blanket covering the decaying remnants of fall.

no such luck thus far.

on monday it "snowed" for like 3 minutes- and by "snow" i mean pathetic little white dots fell from the sky. lame.

today after lunch i looked outside and gasped audibly, then went running out the front door when i saw more visible white flakes falling from the sky. alas, this was short lived, but i enjoyed twirling outside in the parking lot cheering the fragile flakes earthward.

this week has been really great for a number of reasons. my heart has just been filled with hope and a sense of adventure. i can feel the hand of the Lord holding me, my eyes fixed on Him as he whispers how He loves me so much that He will provide for me in every possible way- far beyond my wildest dreams.

and it's this hope that brings me joy, which seems fitting for this advent season. it's the preparation for christmas that people love so much. 25 days of christmas movies, nonstop christmas music for over a month, weeks of "holiday" themed everything... we love getting ready for christmas. and, for me at least, this is why the actual event itself is often somewhat of a letdown. it happens, it's over, and inevitably a new year is coming.

it's the hope of the holiday (and hopefully the hope of what the holiday represents) that gets people excited.

these things have been stirring in my mind this evening.

hope for the holiday season and, ultimately, hope for the future.

i got an unexpected phone call this evening that provides hope for whatever is next after my season here at clear lake. it brought me vast amounts of hope, peace, and joy. when we hung up, i was bubbling over with excitement at the prospect of what could be. and as i walked outside to switch my laundry the biggest flakes of the season danced in the air around me.

and looking outside my window right now i'm watching them as they fall, white flakes glistening with the hope of what could be.

"time together is just never quite enough. when you and i are alone, i've never felt so at home. what will it take to make or break this hint of love? only time, only time..." owl city, the saltwater room

going, going, gone....

there are not words to begin to describe how incredibly beautiful the moon is this evening. i tried to take a picture, but it doesn't even come close to doing it justice... seriously.

and i know the God that made that moon, that created the scene above me this evening.

praise be to God.

angela had commented on the beautiful state of the sky, but i still didn't really notice it until i walked outside a few minutes ago. in my 60 steps to the bathhouse i had some deep thoughts, desperate yearnings, bubbling up of hope...

the moon doesnt shine because it's lit up inside. the moon's "light" is a reflection of the sun. so really, moonlight is sunlight. some nights it's pitch black outside, other evenings there is just a sliver of crescent moon hanging in the distance. i've seen deep red harvest moons and hazy halos on delicate winter nights. last year at honeyrock i still can vividly remember one night when some of us GPAs got back from town and just gasped in awe of the unbelievable halo encircling the moon.

how can anyone look up at a sky like that, like the one tonight, and not believe that there is a Creator who loves us and cares for His creation and creates these scenes over and over in uniquely endless ways for our enjoyment? all of creation worships the Creator, and the bright moonlight is just one small example of this truth.

the moon is so bright that it's almost an eerie replica of daylight.

and i want to shine like that.

i want to find a way to reflect God's light that it makes them stop in wonder and awe and question where that brightness has come from. it's not from the moon, but a reflection of the sun.

----

i work for a public school. we're not allowed to pray before meals, instead we have a "moment of silence" so people can give thanks in any way they choose.

i never pray for the food.

i always pray something like this, "Lord give me the strength to show your love to the people i work with today, children and adults alike. grant me peace, patience, and the overwhelming ability to love that only comes from you."

it's not always that eloquent.

and i love the days when i remember to pray that prayer... and the ways i see God work through it.

this week i have the privilege of having 3 boys with special needs in my class. these kids bring me an immeasurable amount of joy. i wish i didnt have to teach at all this week and could just spend all of my time walking with them, helping them, loving them. they are so amazing to me. i have this defensive heart for them too- one of the other students from another class got a disgusted look on his face when jacob, a child with fairly high functioning autism, sat next to him during the game i was facilitating this evening during "battle of the gameshows". i may have overreacted... but i got close to him, used my serious voice, and let him know that i saw the way he responded and i would not tolerate that kind of behavior in my classroom.

i just get overwhelmed with justice for these kids. it happened to me this summer too, when some of the high school boys were picking on a boy with CP in their cabin... i wanted to scream, wait, i actually think i did... and those high school boys ridiculed me for close to an hour because of it. it was horrible, but who else will stand up for those who can't stand up for themselves? someone has to.

i vow to protect those who are [weak, poor, sick, afraid, abused, marginalized, mistreated, unable, different, defenseless...]

i want to live a life that stands up for those who can't stand up for themselves.

----------

"the world is glistening, we found our warmest coats, you pulled your tall boots on, out in the winter snow we're going, going gone..." ellery, going gone

falling slowly

i'm a music addict and i won't be able to sleep until i get it out there how much i love this song. i rediscovered it through a random series of events, and it's so hauntingly beautiful that it just brings me chills.

it's from the movie "once"

falling slowly

i don't know you, but i want you all the more for that

words fall through me and always fool me and i can't react

games that never amount to more than they're meant will play themselves out

take this sinking boat and point it home, we've still got time

raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice, you've made it now

falling slowly, eyes that know me, and i can't go back

moods that take me and erase me and i'm painted black

you have suffered enough, and warred with yourself, it's time that you won

....

*sigh*

so good.

p.s. happy december.

specks of snow as seasons change

soooo life is apparently a series of electrical issues lately for me. my car is a bit screwy right now- i'm convinced something is wired incorrectly, and i just had a weird power surge in my cabin... resulting in one of my strands of white lights burning out. sad.

but that's not why i started writing tonight.

i'm trying to renew my relationship with writing. i love to write. really i do. i just get distracted sometimes. and i've been distracted lately i guess.

a year ago was my first day at honeyrock.

weird.

i thought about it a little today because it was quite chilly outside today and we had a minute amount of snow fall from the sky. come on snow! i haven't seen you since may! (yeah, that's a weird thing to say... but it's true. oh northern wisconsin...)

also i had to laugh today about nicknames... so my friend bob commented to our friend evan about me and called me "pancake". i've decided that bob thinks calling me "krista pancake" is the best thing ever. it makes me laugh. but he's not the first to give me this nickname. today lori commented that she thought of "pinecone" instead of "pancake", which is also a common nickname for me. and by common i do mean that in the last few years of my life. yes, i didnt have nicknames growing up. sandi called me "kippy" for a little while in high school, but that's about it. there's not a lot you can do with my first name, especially since i do not like being called "kris" (except when my mom does it, because moms have that liberty). today (more than once i think) scott called me "fern gully" which he has been doing all fall. i enjoy this very much. it always makes me laugh. (fern gully is a movie about saving the rainforest- the main character is a fairy named christa)

this weekend i went to ohio. i know, i know, it goes against my entire belief system, but, to be honest, i had a really great time. that's right ohio, you win... for now...

i hung out with my new friend bob (though i dont think i can call him that anymore since we've known each other for a month and a half now... when is something not "new" anymore??) and his friends. we went to a parade in the tiiiiiiny town of bluffton. i was incredibly amused. and equally delighted. then we had a quick bite to eat/beer tasting before heading out to hear live music at coffee amici. it was SO awesome! i loved every second of it. :)

afterwards we went back to bob's house (with like 20 of his friends) and had a dance party! i just kept thinking "i love my life"... i also met bob's sister lori- and i think she's pretty fantastic. :) yay for new friends!

sunday morning bob and i ate breakfast together- slowly. that sounds really weird, i'll own that, but hear me out. i work at camp, so eating meals is often part of my job. and i usually have to shove food in my mouth as quickly as possible in order to deal with children who are doing stupid things. i can eat dinner in 5 minutes flat. or less if needed... and i can eat breakfast while writing up a kid for misbehaving. i've done both before. and i'll do it again. anyway, so my point is i always eat fast lately and i hate it. so when we made breakfast on sunday (microwave oatmeal, sliced apple, and orange juice) we sat at the table and talked and i found myself eating super slowly, though i'll admit it was partly because i made my oatmeal WAY too hot, so i had to let it cool. but the whole thing just stuck in my mind because it was so nice to sit and talk and enjoy breakfast like that, even if it was just microwave oatmeal...

after our slow breakfast we went to bob's church- there was a discussion beforehand about the "advent conspiracy" book they're reading and i was a little nervous since i hadn't read any of it, but it was so great! i even felt comfortable enough to join in the discussion, and that old familiar excited passion boiled up inside of me when we talked about truly caring for and loving people.

so, so good.

*sigh*

life is crazy.

life is unpredictable.

life is full of possibilities.

life is good.

"i'd rather be the one who loves than to be loved and never even know." snow is gone, josh ritter

happy holidays...

it's that time of year again.

wow.

i hope i get into the "christmas spirit" this year. i have found myself getting more and more lame in that department. i blame the fact that for most of my life i was singing christmas songs for choir for months in advance and there were always all sorts of festive events to prepare. and now... well, it still hasn't even snowed here yet.

lame.

a year ago i was just 2 days from leaving for honeyrock.

weird

very weird

it seems much longer ago than that.

mmm i probably have a lot to say right now, but to be honest, i just havent been into writing lately. not on here, not in my journal, nothing.

not really sure why either.

still debating what to do tomorrow. i would like to go to rei and get a free gift card. i would also like it to be worth $100. but $5 would be worth it too. i do NOT want to battle traffic and risk my life for it either.

decisions.

it would be more fun if i had someone to go with, but i couldnt find any takers.

*sigh*

hanging out with frances tomorrow. and also trying to get my car fixed. gross.

i'm so grumpyyyyy.

failllllllll

i fail at blogging lately.

and even this is probably going to be pretty short. or just barely long enough to update everything that's been happening in the past 2 weeks.

life is good right now.

so good.

i'm always doing all sorts of fun things, which i love, and i enjoy my job about 86% of the time. that's a pretty good average i think. that makes me have a B/B+ job. my least favorite parts are waking up to go to work (which isnt that bad because i live at camp) and not having a bathroom in my cabin. though this week i'm on dorms, so i do have a bathroom... but i'm sharing it with 42 5th graders. yikes.

i spent last weekend up at springhill for a junior's retreat. it was crazy. it was awesome. it was camp. i'm so in love, i can't help it. if i could choose between getting married and getting my dream job at camp i'm fairly certain i'd choose the job. yep. i do like my job now, but it's not a forever kind of job. or even a 5 year kind of job. but it suits me very well right now.

i bought a plane ticket to washington. i'm going for about 10 days before christmas to help out murphy/alex at cheese louise. i'm mega excited. i wish i could stay longer, but the prices were really high and i didnt want to cut it too close to christmas. so i'll be there from dec 12-22. also mom said she's looking into tickets to florida for about the 25-31ish to see grandpa and grandma. woot. and january 11 i get out my wisdom teeth. BARF. things i am not looking forward to...

soooo yeah. that's a quick rundown of life i suppose. this weekend i'm possibly headed to illinois, next weekend i'm for sure headed to illinois, wheaton specifically to hang out with some AMP friends. :) then i have the whooooole week of for thanksgiving. woot.

time to check up on the well-being of the small children....

best vacation ever.

i'm coming towards the end of the best vacation ever.

this makes me very sad.

part 1 consisted of southern california goodness.

forest home

disneyland

wine tasting in temecula

midnight beach madness

bonus day bowling

VERY hot weather

oh so much fun...

part 2 has been very different, but not any less awesome- enjoying the "tri-cities" area of washington state w/murphy

hanging out at cheese louise w/ murphy (and hope and alex!)

wine tasting at northstar on the most BEAUTIFUL fall day ever

going to see 'where the wild things are'

great conversations and good times

seriously

i never want it to end.

*sigh*

early sunday morning i begin my travels back to the mitten state.

we'll see if this flight is any less dramatic than the last 2. united airlines, i dont really want to fight anymore.

for realz.

the end.

it's always an adventure.

i sometimes judge people who just stand there on the moving walk at airports. i've always felt that the purpose of the moving walk is for those who are in a huge rush to dash by like superman, propelled by the force of the long treadmill-like belt. it's also a great way to people watch more people per minute if you're sitting on the sidelines staring at the walk like i am right now.

but i became 'that guy' who just stood there like an idiot today on the moving walk- completely defeated by the airport system. you win. you've broken me down. congratulations.

i'm supposed to be in california right now, hanging out with evan and a bunch of other friends. that is why i woke up at dark thirty to catch a plane from detroit. if i wanted to arrive in california late at night i would have arranged for that.

united airlines didnt get that memo.

our flight to denver was nearing an end. i had to pee really badly and passed the time by reading "cold tangerines" by shauna neiquist and listening to 2 sermons on the beattitudes. my seatmate mitch did offer to let me watch a movie on his laptop with him. i kindly declined.

i was feeling pretty satisfied with my productivity for the day thus far as we began circling the denver airport... 45 minutes later we were still circling, then rerouted to wyoming since we couldn't land due to the fog.

i know what you're thinking... "WHAT!?"

yes. wyoming. not an exciting place. i thought the rhinelander airport was the smallest i'd ever been in. then i thought the green bay was the smallest. ladies and gentlemen, the airport i was in today is by far the SMALLEST airport i've ever been in. oh my. so that was delightful... but at least i got to pee.

so we reboarded and by then we'd pretty much all missed our connecting flights.

joy.

they communicated to us that we should make our way to the "customer service" centers upon arrival to find out the flights we'd been rebooked on.

we rushed off the plane... and i stood in a line with over 100 people ahead of me. NOT JOKING. i stood there for 2 hours... and even then i didnt really make it to the front, i had some sidestep moves with another passenger. (i did try to call united to expedite the process, but the lady on the phone was NOT helpful at all in any way and just made me very angry) i got booked on a flight to leave denver at 9pm. yes, i was supposed to leave denver at 11am.

you do the math.

so i sighed and went to find some food, which i had to pay for on my own because they informed me they did not issue food vouchers. thank you united airlines, please steal an entire day from my vacation then leave me hungry, undercaffeinated, and dehydrated. jerks.

this angered me so...

i thought i'd go for some mexican food at this place that looked mildy like qdoba. it was the nastiest food i've ever had. (ok that may be an exaggeration, but i'm grumpy)

thankfully i have my computer and was keeping myself entertained by facebooking and writing a strongly worded email to united airlines and then decided to check what time the flights were leaving today.

much to my surprise i found that united airlines online was selling ONE ticket for the 6:50pm flight out of denver to cali and i quickly raced back to the customer service center in hopes of switching flights.

after waiting in line about 10 minutes i suddenly realized my jacket (containing my wallet) was not with me. yes, i left it at the table where i consumed the nasty burrito. i literally RAN to the table (up an escalator too) and thank GOD it was still there, wallet and all. i almost cried.

i headed back to the service center, waited in line a half hour or so, then begged the ticket agent to switch my flight. i was seriously on the verge of tears at this point as i explained my situation. the man worked some magic and printed out the very last seat on the 6:50 flight to cali!

as a reward i headed to TCBY for some frozen yogurt. this is actually when i noticed that my wallet had been in my jacket the whole time. i overpayed, er, i mean ordered a strawberry frozen yogurt, because that's what i remember getting from there when i was a kid. but i think when i was a kid i got sprinkles with it... i decided i am jittery enough today, i dont need any more sugar.

i then began heading towards the terminal where i will be able to begin boarding at 620, only to realize i was headed in the wrong direction. but i'm in no rush.

... so there i stood- my blank gaze fixed on the moving walk ahead, as my entire sensory abilities focused solely on the cool strawberry goodness on the end of a cheap plastic spoon.

i was that guy and i didn't care.

the spoon and the yogurt were my pacifier completing the full transformation as i reverted to this childlike state today. temper tantrums, tears, overtired...

i watched a little girl ahead of me, probably 4 years old, leaned with her head on the railing of the moving walk, staring behind her as blankly as i was staring ahead. i wished i would have had some strawberry yogurt for her.

and now i'm that guy who's sitting against a wall near an outlet charging mac and my phone, shoes off (and my feet do smell), with a melted dribble of strawberry yogurt congealing in the bottom of a paper cup next to me, as i'm half heartedly watching the people on the moving walk go by, wondering if they've had a day like mine.

*sigh*

"i think i'm safer on an airplane than a world without love..." copeland, safer on an airplane

9 fingered typing...

yesterday was... eventful.

i had to go get my car 'fixed' (a fuse replaced) and oil changed. the most amusing part was the mechanic telling me that next time my boyfriend could probably fix it.

um...

i'm sure he could if he existed, mr.mechanic. and if he couldn't i'd make HIM take my car in anyway.

jeeze, but really, WHO SAYS THAT!?

i laughed inside.

also yesterday i stopped by rei (and didnt purchase anything) and whole foods. then i went to the tittyung's house for wii and dinner.

well, that's where things got interesting... and caused my current typing predicament.

since they were making dinner for the 3 of us and i was already at the store i thought i'd bring something along. i found some tasty bread and thought i'd go biblical and bring wine too. bread and wine. why not?

welllllllll when krystl tried to battle the wine bottle with her opener, the corkscrew broke off inside the cork. oops. but we were determined women (geoff just rolled his eyes) so we used his multitool's screwdriver to chip away at the cork so we could then use the pliers to pull it out.

this was working well.

until...

i guess my brute force collided with the edge of the mouth of the bottle, because before i knew it i was gushing blood. i thought i had just cut my hand on the screwdriver. oh no, it was the broken glass from the bottle's mouth.

whoops.

so krystl assisted me in tending to the very small lacerations on my left hand (the webbing between my index finger and thumb) as well as the gash on my right hand's pointer finger top knuckle. yes, gash. it was definitely a bleeder. so we sent geoff to my car to get my first aid kid and i cleaned myself up- laughing the whole time. we did try to ask google on our phones whether or not i needed stitches... but never got a great answer, and i hate the idea of needles, so i decided i'd probably be ok. i think it's healing ok so far, i'm keeping it super clean and not bending the knuckle. this is easier than a hospital run and the obnoxiousness of caring for stitches right before my vacation tomorrow!

i'll be more careful today... promise.

"it's hard say that i'd rather stay awake when i'm asleep, because my dreams are bursting at the seams." - owl city, 'fireflies'

grrrr... the man....

so here is what i don't understand

copyright infringement.

i mean, how is it okay to quote published literary works and not have to pay any sort of royalty or worry about getting your pants sued off, but even THINK about using music/video and you're in big trouble??

i'm really annoyed. because i made this video tonight that i thought was pretty sweet and it's got a bunch of outdoor ed pictures/video and background music to liven it up... well apparently that is not ok. after trying to upload it on facebook, i got a mean message from them telling me if i try to pull that stunt again i could get my account deleted. ouch.

i'm all about respecting an artist's rights to their music/media/etc., but i think things have gotten a little overkill and we just love to sue each other.

lame.

hey there october.

life's just moving right along, now isn't it?

this week is our last week of "adventure camp" (battle creek 6th graders) and we have the next 2 weeks off! some people are disappointed by this, because apparently days off = days not paid, but for me days off = adventures. i leave for california a week from tomorrow. :) SO excited. and 2 weeks from yesterday i head from california to washington. also exciting.

last weekend was women's retreat at springhill. it was a lot colder and rainier than we would have liked, but still a good time. i very much enjoyed my time at the top of the zipline-- there's a special connection you get with people when they're standing on a 40 foot tower staring at the 1000 ft long cable they're about to head down attached by various pieces of equipment they've been assured are safe, but they still have their doubts.

sunday i hung out at trina's for much of the late afternoon-evening. i didn't get back to battle creek until midnight. whoops. good thing i was on late shift yesterday so i got to sleep in. today's another late shift day.. i like late shift a lot. especially considering i'm potentially fighting a bit of a virus right now and i need all the sleep i can get. i got about 10 hours last night. hopefully that will help my immune system battle it out. go body, go.

i wish i could play around on my computer for an entire day and learn everything there is to know about it. i'm excited about imovie- i did the most simplistic project in the world just now (put 3 videos into 1) and i'm overly thrilled. so much potential here... yay!

that's the end.

"i'd rather forget and not slow down than gather regret for the things i can't change now..." - relient k forget and not slow down

currently reading: cold tangerines by shauna niequist

"friendship is acting out God's love for people in tangible ways. we were made to represent the love of God in each other's lives, so that each person we walk through life with has a more profound sense of God's love for them. friendship is an opportunity to act on God's behalf in the lives of the people that we're close to, reminding each other who God is. when we do the hard, intimate work of friendship, we bring a little more of the divine into daily life. we get to remind one another about the bigger, more beautiful picture that we can't always see from where we are."

yes.

yes yes yes yes yes.

authentic love, true community...

oh my heart is overflowing.

THIS is what it should look like.

i want to live with friendships that look like this.

wind and rain and cold- oh my!

it's 7am. the wind has been absolutely howling outside for the past 24 hours. we've had a lot of rain too. what a quick switch from last week!!

i have to be at high ropes inspection in 20 minutes... but i have this feeling that we maybe won't be able to do high ropes today. i just have this image of children being blown off the elements... whoops.

each week the kids just seem to have a different kind of feel to them. this week's kids are sooo spacey and not very good listeners. it's kind of like they're from another planet. they're going to require a lot of patience and firm discipline. i had to use my hardcore teacher voice yesterday and it was only the first night! ah i hate that. i secretly miss having kids i can just hang out with and enjoy and not really have to discipline very much. yes, that means i miss my advance camp kids from the summer.

i keep writing in my journal how much i'm thankful for life at this moment. i've been able to reflect a lot back on what i learned and how i grew at honeyrock and it makes it all the more worthwhile. but i'm also glad to be in this new season of life. God's recapturing my heart in some awesome ways... i love it.

more thoughts in my head, but i need to leave in 4 minutes... and i'm still i my pj's.... yikes!!

"i'm alive... i can feel you all around me, thickening the air i'm breathing, holding on to what i'm feeling, savoring this heart that's healing... take my hand, i give it to you, now you own me, all i am, you said you would never leave me, i believe you." - david crowder band, all around me

FAVORITES

i'm in a really good mood. it's been a fun week- much easier than last week thus far, which i appreciate. and i'm 2 hours into my evening/morning off combo day! yessssss. though i think i have to drive into town tomorrow to do paperwork, so i won't be getting quite as much sleeping in as i'd like.

oh well.

sometimes i decide that everything is my "favorite".

i have a lot of favorites.

here are a few current ones...

enjoying THIS a lot at the moment-

:) the digital "bless your heart"

i love this so much that today i even accidently had it open in 2 different windows on my computer. hmmm. music glutton? maybe...

( pandora.com )

gotta give some love to my dear rachel, the birthday girl. (happy 24th!) if you're a super sleuth (and you're bored with time on your hands) you may be able to find some stuff i wrote for her hidden in her website... :)

i've been meaning to subscribe to this for a long time... so a month or so ago i did. i spent a good amount of time today reading the september/october edition. fantastic. especially the "not going back to school guide".

settlers. oh man. my addiction...

that's it for now.

enjoy. :)

"take me above your light, carry me through the night, hold me secure in flight, sing me to sleep tonight..." owl city, hello seattle

the days that make it worth it

it's so tempting to just want life to be all sunshine and daisies all of the time. who doesn't want to sail through life with one good thing after another coming their way?

no hurt, no pain, no frustration.

but what good does that do?

i learn over and over again that through challenging situations we are stretched and grown. this is the stuff i teach to kids. but it's hard to believe for my own life. i try to get kids to transfer the things they learn at the high ropes course to their lives back at home, but i have a hard time doing it for myself. just this week we talked to the group i'm working with about how we will most certainly fail if we never even try.

but quitting is easier.

it's safer to not care than to have your feelings hurt.

i look at my life sometimes and think i'm crazy for the way i choose to live. it is by no means easy. it is by no means a get rich quick scheme.

it's tough. it's challenging. and it sucks sometimes.

but, as i feel like i'm always trying to explain to people, it's rewarding in different ways.

every once in awhile there is this moment, maybe even just a short amount of time in an entire week, where it's worth it. sometimes it comes in the form of a look on a kid's face when they finally connect the dots and grasp a concept you've been trying to teach them for days. other times it comes in watching a group of kids learn to work together and include the kids who have been labeled as 'outcasts'.

the kids i'm working with are rough. they are not always full of sunshine and laughter. this week they have been rude, disrespectful, and cruel to each other and staff members. but today we had some really good moments. i think my favorite came in the form of an unplanned event. kory was dealing with some discipline issues (about 1/5 of our class...) so i had to stall before our evening event. so i had my 20ish kids sit in our classroom and i read off a bunch of "would you rather" questions. we laughed so hard as we went through the deck, and it was so fun to watch them be so into the activity. it was the longest anything had held their attention all week. it was the first time i really feel like i got to laugh and connect with a lot of them and it happened purely by accident.

i had to remind one of the girls today (while she was being incredibly disrespectful to me) that i was a person with feelings too. it's easy to forget that these little 6th graders are hurting, confused, frustrated, broken people too. today i found myself constantly begging God to give me a heart to love them, even in their ungratefulness, knowing they may never show me any kind of love in return. maybe that is one of the lessons i'm here at the OEC to learn.

"lost and insecure, you found me... laying on the floor, surrounded.... why'd you have to wait? where were you?.... just a little late, you found me..." - the fray, you found me

i should be sleeping.

i'm always tired. i really wish 8 hours was enough sleep each night for me. but nooooo i have to be a freak who needs more than that. agh.

last week flew by.

amanda kelly came and spent the night on wednesday on her way out to cali. it was SO good to see her again, even for just 12 hours. she came out to the waldorff with my coworkers and i and it was a lot of fun.

friday night i headed down to indy and was so thrilled to spend the weekend with the miller family. i can't believe it was 2 years since i'd seen them last! never ever ever again will i let myself go that long between visits!! i can't even put into words how much they mean to me.

last week on thursday i was offered to stay here through the school year (beginning of june). i'm practicing thinking before i speak- so i asked them if i could think about it. (which was also actually code for i need to pray about it... because i'm so confused by where God is leading me lately)

so i thought, and i prayed, and i went to indy for the weekend and had my heart just torn up with longing to stay there and help them start the new ministry they're working on in downtown indy. i so wanted to stay. but i had to decide by today whether or not to stay here at OEC.

so i said i'd stay in battle creek. and i'm still debating whether or not that was the right move. will i ever be sure??

i have one of those personalities... i'm always afraid i'm missing out on something 'better'. i guess i'll never know. i suppose this is the 'responsible' move. but is responsible always better? am i living by the reckless faith that i know provides a better life? or is staying here denying myself and practicing discipline? i can justify it either way. and i love to justify everything.

"you dismantle me..." -anberlin, 'dismantle:repair'

more adventures. always an adventure.

weekend #3 of exciting road tripping has come to a close. and i'm already looking forward to next weekend. (headed to indy to see the miller family!! i haven't seen them in 2 years!)

i made it up to evart in just over 2 hours on friday. the drive was beautiful. i hung out with courtney and kevin for a bit then headed over to springhill. it was good to see so many of those friends again! i spent the weekend mostly in the tpost, though i happened to be in the right place at the right time to assist with the tram crisis on saturday.

last night i hung out with the boys (philip, caleb, and derek) and we played some settlers. it was fantastic. i love those guys. :)

i just got back a few hours ago and my exhaustion is really catching up with me. don't think i'll make it too late tonight. but i probably need to shower at some point too... oh life is so taxing. i also sort of suck because i looked out my window and (besides the giant tree in my way) there was a beautiful sunset. but i was too lazy to walk out to the lake and see it in all its beauty.

i lost my pink watch again.

that happened last year around this time too... but somehow i don't think thesaurus (murphy's cat) is the culprit... i probably took it off my wrist then got distracted.

i think it's gone for good this time. *sigh*

i had a lot of those "how are you/how's life?" conversations this weekend with people. it's hard to feel like all i want in the world is the perfect job to just fall down from heaven right into my lap, and maybe by having one more of those i'm-desperate-for-a-job-that-suits-me conversations someone will magically present me with it.

i just want to be a small part of something big.

one step at a time. at least this point i'm not stressed out. i'm just trying to trust.

"if you wait for me then i will come for you although i have traveled far i always hold a place for you in my heart. if you think of me, if you miss me once in awhile then i'll return to you, i'll return and fill that space in your heart... " tracy chapman, the promise

driving... driving... and more driving...

i drove a lot last week.

i decided it must have been over 30 hours in 8 days. probably more...

i also listened to a lot of music. that was happy.

it was good to catch up with people last week. i got to see emmy & jenna

and we played with my new computer. :)

i also got to see my dad & stepmom, lunch with my sis, an afternoon with the heires', two nights out with elisabeth, and tittyung time. i was a busy kid.

friday i drove out to battle creek to drop off my stuff in my new room, then i headed over to chicago for the weekend. jess, heather, gregory and i had a wonderful time hanging out.

gpa musical.... ?? :)

us vs. the bean.

our usual photo shoot...

last night i drove back here and settled into my room. i met a few people last night and learned a new card game (and kind of dominated at it...)

today was our first day of work and it went really well. we did some get-to-know-you type stuff (of course. we're outdoor educators.) and high ropes training this afternoon. i like the people on my team and i'm looking forward to getting to know them over the next 6 weeks while i'm here. del (the director here) was already talking about how he wants to help me and anyone else who comes through here find jobs after our experience here, which was good to hear. i'm still torn in a lot of was as to exactly what i want to be doing next, but it's always good to have someone looking out for you.

"... i never told you what i should have said, no i never told you, i just held it in, and now i miss everything about you." - Colbie Caillat I Never Told You

hello michigan. :)

my time at honeyrock has come to an end. and i'm back in my beloved mitten state.

we had a good GPA celebration dinner on friday night. it was a good way to wrap up our time. i drove all day yesterday and made it back around dinnertime.

i spent the evening trying to unpack and playing with my new computer. :)

life is good right now. i'm excited about moving and starting my new job over the next week. i've got a few days to spend with friends/family and a lot of random things to do before i move on friday.

:)

"I know you stay true when my world is false, everything around's breaking down to chaos. I always see you when my sight is lost." - mutemath, chaos

winding down

a lot's happened lately

a week ago i led 'cowgirl camp' for 6 amazing adventure camp (10-12th grade) girls. we had SO much fun in those 2 days of hanging around the barn! we baked horse treats, groomed/bathed horses, went on rides, made LOTS of fires, and slept out at the wagon circle. andreea and i slept underneath the stars... well, until it started to rain at 4:02am... that went something like this

(3 droplets of rain on my face...)
me: andreea... andreea... ANDREEA!!!! wake up! it's raining! get in the wagon!
andreea: (unintelligible sounds)
me: come on!
andreea: (standing) i'm dizzy...
me: that's because you went from sleeping to standing in 3 seconds.

and all was well.
we all laughed a lot and truly enjoyed one another during our 2 days together. good times at cowgirl camp. :-)

i turned 24 this week.
it was a pretty good birthday, as far as birthdays go. mom sent the usual package from the popcorn factory (thank you mom!) and i got a few other random cards as well. it was fun to be with my kids on my birthday, i think they were more excited than i was!

our last kid session ended on friday. well, the service team kids are still here until tomorrow... but they're special, so they're not included on that. :-)

i got the honeyrock influenza virus.
yick. at least it waited until the end of the last session. seriously, illness couldnt have come at a better time, as obnoxious as it is to be sick on my few precious days off, it's better now than when i had a thousand things to do.
friday i was only kind of sick and jess had told me she'd drive to wausau with me because all i wanted in the world was qdoba for weeeeks and i promised myself i'd get it once session ended as a birthday/celebration treat for myself. well, jess ended up being busy and no one else could/wanted to go... so i went by myself for a 2 hour drive to wausau. it was glorious to have some time alone. and my burrito was fantastic. i also was planning on going to starbucks... but i couldnt find it. so i settled for driving back to three lakes and having coffee at deja brew. which was delightful. and far more inexpensive. i sat and read from the donald miller anthology i'm borrowing from heather (i think i'm on "searching for God knows what"...) and i desperately want to finish reading it before i head home in 2 weeks.

yesterday i was too sick to join the rest of the staff on the staff trip to superior, which bummed me out, but what's a girl to do? well, i slept in, and, upon discovering that trying to read made me want to vomit, i borrowed season 6 of gilmore girls from becky. yes, yes, i know i was breaking honeyrock's "place apart" mentality... but i felt as though i had extremely limited options. i got a lot of rest and feel somewhat better today. i still can't stand for long periods of time, but i am on the mend.

lots of crazy going on here today... nothing i can expound upon at this moment.

passage training starts tomorrow morning.
yippee!

a new adventure

so usually when people ask the "what's next?" question i cringe somewhere inside because i don't have a solid answer for them. i like to have answers for people. "i don't know" seems like a lame thing to say.

well, it's amazing what can happen in the course of a week.
because last weekend when i was in evart i had to admit to not knowing what i was doing when i'm done with honeyrock (less than a month from now) but this weekend i can say with joy that i will be moving to the battle creek area (southwestern michigan) around august 28 to start as and outdoor educator for battle creek public schools.
now, if you're one of the people i know who will undoubtably scratch your head and think to yourself, "what the heck does that mean?" then this link is for you: clearlakecamp.org
if you click on the "employment" section you can read the job description for what i'll be doing.
right now i'm hired as "seasonal" for the fall, with a very good chance of staying on as long as i'd like.
i'm looking forward to the job itself and the added perk that it's much closer to home than i am now! i will also have to work less hours and have weekends off which means lots of road trips to see friends!

i still have 4 more weeks here at honeyrock- 2 more for summer campers and 2 for wheaton passage. it's going to fly by i'm sure!

something else

i went for a run tonight. actually, i just got done.
i hadn't run in a long time.
it felt good.
i forgot how much stress it relieves in me.
note to self: run more.

today was really stressful. sometimes work just seems to come out of nowhere.
so the run was good. the nooma video we watched with advance camp was good too. it was one i'd never seen before.

and, as often happens after the right combination of things in a day: reading for a little while before worship tonight (... i WILL finish this book dangit.), truly enjoying hanging out with the kids before they leave on friday, time spent singing, a nooma video, music, and a run at dusk, i had some really good thoughts as i ran down the infamously windy highway x.

i feel like people commonly talk bout wishing life was more of a straight path- it's the turns and hills that throw off predicitability. i guess i often find myself with that same wish. "just make it easy, God. show me a straight path to follow and i will"

i am a goal oriented person. it keeps me motivated. and as i ran down highway x i kept saying to myself "ok, you can run just to that next curve" or "alright, you're almost up this hill" and it kept me going. each curve and hill along the way was some sort of mini milestone in my run. i NEED those milestones, because i'm not really a very good runner. each tiny victory made the daunting task ahead of me seem somehow easier.

this parallels my life.
sure it'd be easier if there weren't so many twists and turns.
i feel like i've had a lot of unexpected curves over the past year or so. but i can't help but think that if my life was a straight road i would have missed something. a flat road lined with dull scenery isn't very fun to run on. it's the curves, the hills, the variences in surroundings that make it exciting for me. these small things tangibly mark the distance i've come. once again, this is true in my life.

the highs and lows, frustrations and joy, fears and hope that have overcome my heart in the past few years have made definitive marks on my life that i wouldn't give up for anything. they mark the path that God has brought me down, no matter how windy and curvy it's been and will continue to be.



"i believe in a faith that grows and the four right chords could make me cry, when i'm with you i feel like i could die and that would be alright... i want something else to get me through this life" third eye blind, semi-charmed life

kayak trips, sunny days, and heat lighting.

summer is here.

ok so technically it's not here until tomorrow, but we had a group from grand rapids (hollah!) come in this week so it feels like it's officially begun. that and the fact that it's eighty bagillion degrees outside.

john, rachel and i got to hang out with the kids from grace episcopal church all week on a kayak trip.

look how excited we are as we anxiously await their arrival. :-)

sunday night we did kayak training with them and tried our best to prepare them for the days to come. monday morning we headed out on our trip!

classic awesome group shot of us being... well, awesome.

we had fun as a group, lots of good times paddling, camping, and playing mafia.
oh and also BIFfing... yep, that was fun too. rachel and i were BIF buddies.

i'm soooooo glad rachel joined our team for this trip. i couldn't have done it without her.

our second night was spent at voyageur point. i liked that site a lot. it's surrounded by lilly pads.
here's a lilly pad flower.

our last night was at miller's cove. i think a lot of people liked that site best, despite the early morning rain shower. here's me and maddie with our angry faces on after playing a rousing game of mafia. she was totally mafia... :-)

kids come on monday for some of the programs (advance camp, some trips, res camp, service team) and more the next week. once things get going around here it will all be over before we know it! that's how camp goes.

3 weeks from today tim and frances are getting married! i'm excited for that.
4 weeks from today kevin and courtney are getting married! i'm excited for that too.

last night i sat outside in loberg parking lot watching the heat lightning in the distance with stars overhead. it was breathtaking. i can only remember watching a storm just like that one other time in my life...
it was beautiful.


"everything i knew of love, i was a long, long way off.... thank you for opening the window, the sky is clear as my mind is now... and i think i like how the day sounds" Greg Laswell- How The Day Sounds

wait for it...

every time i say "i'm done looking for jobs" i get that same urge to start searching again.

i don't even know what i want to do anymore, so how is looking for a job going to be helpful right now?

i like working in ministry. i like working at camp. i like working in camp ministry. i could probably like a lot of other jobs too.

the "where?" question is still there too.

last week at HRC church the speaker brought up the story of jacob and esau- jacob tried to manipulate God to make sure he got all of his promises fulfilled. i think i do that sometimes too. or at least try to. i know God will provide- i trust that. but i also like to do everything i can to make sure it all happens. is that really trusting? i'm not convinced it is.

but then where is the line between being responsible and having faith?
it seems pretty blurry to me...
because i don't believe God calls us to be apathetic and lazy either. if i pray "Lord give me a job" i don't think one will just fall into my lap. i have to be proactive in some way at least... but what does that even look like?

i have no idea.
i just watch the incredible friends i have who continue to step out in faith and watch as God continually provides for them in the most amazing ways.

i say i'm done job hunting for the summer.
i say i'm done worrying about what happens when i leave here in 10 weeks.
but maybe another fall sabbatical i just what the Lord has in mind for me again. i have to be ok with that if it's the case.

i want to be patient
and wait on the Lord.

"sing with your hands up, with your eyes closed, not because you love the song, but you love to sing..." copeland, you love to sing

so we went backpacking yesterday
and it was rainy
and cold
and it's a good thing my AMP friends are lots of fun, or we would have hated our trip due to the aforementioned rain and cold. :-)

i took a nap all afternoon.
cuz i needed it.

also i have newly developed painful blisters on my toes... which will make it difficult or impossible to go running tomorrow.
hmmmm.

5 weeks till fran's wedding
6 until courtney's.

i'm excited for both of these events.

2 weeks till campers come.
yikes.
i'm excited for that too.
camp's always more fun when there are kids around.

i don't have anything exciting to say.
i don't even have a song for you.

sometimes i get distracted by my job and don't post here.

whoops.

most exciting things as of late:
-all AMP kayak trip. that was fun.
-road trip to the soo with courtney, robyn, and heather.
-cutting kimmy's hair in the dark :-)
-going to see UP!
-upcoming backpacking excursion tomorrow with the other AMP camp girls
-lots of new music. happy.

yeah that's really it for now.


still no idea what happens when i'm done here in 2 1/2 months.
5 weeks till frances' wedding. woot.

"for you i sing, i dance. rejoice in this divine romance. lift my heart and my hands to show my love..."- phil wickham, divine romance

mid may update

summer's well on its way. well, mostly. it did flurry again yesterday. yes, flurry meaning snow. but the grass is green and the sun is out today.

i have the day off, then i'll be submerged in summer chaos for the next 2 weeks straight at least. really, i mean the next 3 months. this past week was great though, and if it's any indication of the days ahead, i'm overjoyed. summer 2009- bring it on.

i do have moments where i miss being at springhill staff training. it's good to be somewhere new, doing something different. and i'm excited for what lies ahead. i still don't really know what's going to happen this fall- i've applied to a few places, but no word yet. i like to think i'm flexible, but part of me really wants to be back in michigan. i guess the jury's still out- and in all reality i'll probably take whatever job is offered to me (within reason...)

life's good right now. sometimes it worries me to let those words slip out- i feel like it invites chaos. but that's kindof a superstitious way to live. and i'm not really a superstitious person. so life's good life's good life's good. :-)
though my chacos broke.
sad day.
they'll be getting sent in tomorrow for repairs.

that's really all the excitement for me right now.
grace and peace to you.

"God gives us hope but we still fear what we don't know." - the killers, dustland fairytale

oh it really IS spring.

i keep assuming that it will suddenly snow again... despite the fact that it's may 4th.

i need to enjoy the 50-60 degree weather we've been having over the past week and a half and remember it's here to stay and it's only gonna get warmer.

we finished the first part of ropes training and now i'm working on part 2. i'm excited that i get to be one of the fortunate few to go through the official adventure challenge facilitator training course. it's one of the things i came to honeyrock to learn and was starting to doubt i would get the chance to do.

some of our summer staff is already here- ok, well, just maquoto (he is from japan... and i have no idea how he spells his name... but he is awesome.) and that's been really great. more people will be joining us within the next week! crazy. things are going to get way busy around here. AND we have to move soon. it's bitter sweet. i'll miss the berg. but i'd better settle in to the chalet cuz the next 3 1/2 months will fly by i'm sure.

lots going through my head/heart. lots of good stuff. lots of growing stuff.

get pumped.

"don't stop believing, hold on to that feeling..." journey - don't stop believin'

come on get higher.

today began our ropes training experience c/o challenge quest. it's always fun to look at gear and tie knots, etc. we did a lot of that kind of stuff this morning. this afternoon we headed up to the high ropes course. it was good, but, well, a challenge. i'm not a fantastic climber (a shock, i know, considering i have the perfect climbing physique.) but i do feel comfortable up there once i'm not climbing up or down a pole. the worst part was slicing up my hand on a steel cable on the first run up, so i had to climb down with a bleeding hand. it still hurts, but i'll live.

i'll be doing training for the next week or so and i think it's going to be pretty intense. tomorrow we start at 8:30am and we're supposed to run till dark.
luckily, i finally have all of my homework done and turned in so i'm going to head back ot my room soon, read for awhile, then sleep for as long as possible so i can have the energy i need to learn rescue procedures!

in other news: i was very opposed to ever liking rosie thomas music because a lot of girls seem to like her and it just seemed too girly for me. well, luckily i've changed my mind. because her music is FANTASTIC and i bought 2 of her cds which came while i was in illinois! they are wonderful.

"And I, I have much farther to go. And I, I'm so confused I know. I should just click my heels together and go home, but I lost my way back home when I lost you."- Rosie Thomas- Much Farther to Go

chicago. and such.

i've got tons to do
which of COURSE means it's a perfectly good idea for me to blog right now...

this is my reward for diligently working on papers for the past hour or so. well, as diligent i can be amidst the chaos that is the computer lab with the undergrads here this week. *sigh* it's hard to write a paper on philosophy of ministry when there are 8 people talking loudly.

this past week has been a whirlwind. we did camp tours last week and that was pretty awesome.




this is my "i'm so angry at you snow!" pose.















we ended up in wheaton by the end and got to have our personalities tested by some grad psych students. they pretty much confirmed much of what i already knew about myself. it was good to go through the process though.
while i was down there tim vdb picked me up and we went to part of a youth ministry conference at willow creek on thursday night. it was awesome and just so encouraging. ALSO (weird) some of my kids from youth group were there!! i was so excited to see them! among them was none other than geoff tittyung. i like to keep suprising that kid apparently.

friday we had a camp tour in madison, then most of the team headed back to honeyrock and 5 of us went back down to the wheaton area. me, jess, and katrina stayed at jess' house.



saturday tim vdb picked me up again and we hung out in chicago all afternoon!





it was super fun. we went to the sears tower and rode a boat to see the city skyline.















we tried to stifle our laughs as our tour guide talked about the great chicago fire and i kept saying "boom boom boom boom" and "fire fire fire"...
we also played tag. ok, i played tag.























thennnn we went to see jason as the tin man in the wizard of oz in a stellar community theater production. ok- jason was stellar.

and it was good times for all who gathered there.








oh jeeze.


so... long story short. incredible weekend with awesome friends.



and i choose this song because i was in chicago... and because it's in my top 10 favorites...

"i fell in love again, all things go, all things go, drove to Chicago.... you came to take us, all things go, all things go to recreate us, all things grow, all things grow..." sufjan stevens - chicago

snow. gah.

uh yes.
it is still snowing.

it's really beautiful.
but it's trapping us here instead of going on camp tours.... SAD DAY!!!!!!

and i think it's putting us all in crazy moods.
and we just sang music from free willy...

oh my.

snow day.

once upon a time we were supposed to do camp tours this week...

well, we got up extra early to make it to our first stop... well... we woke up extra early to 6 inches of snow.
remember when it was 70 degrees this weekend?

ah ha.
i walked outside and saw this:

yep.
the wet, slushy kind of snow.
yick.




we ate our 630 am breakfast and headed out despite the inclement weather.
and made it about 10 minutes down highway x
before we saw this
why yes, that IS a tree in the middle of the road.
good eye.

so

needless to say


we turned the 15 passenger van around (which was an event of its own)
and headed back to honeyrock for a snow day

dang.
and i was really excited for a field trip.

oh well. maybe tomorrow...

gpa musical.

this week went by SO fast.
all i have done is work on homework and be in class. it's been pretty fantastic though.
monday morning our official class time started and went all day every day monday-friday and this morning too. we had great discussions and i took in so much information i think my head might explode. i've questioned everything, from my motives to my heart to my 'calling' in life and it's been quite a journey, and the fantastic part is that it's only just begun. there's still so much more for me to learn and grow from.

it's been so warm this week. we had class outside a few times this week and also 2 picnic lunches. yay! the lake's pretty much all liquid (which is fantastic) and we've spent some time canoeing. awesome. and last night we had a fire at rob's house- the first outdoor one of the 'warm' season.

today i went to see the hannah montana movie with haley and heather. it was stellar, thanks for asking. :-) oooh lick-a-dee splitz opened today and we all got ice cream. also very good. jess, lindsey, katie, katrina and i just went canoeing down to the dam(!) for the past hour or so. that was enjoyable... chilly, but enjoyable. i rode in the middle since there were an odd number of us, and katrina laughed so hard at my hair blowing in the wind as i enjoyed the ride and sang songs.

i'm soooo excited for this upcoming week! we're going on camp tours all week and spending time at wheaton at the end of the week. and this saturday is jason's play! i'm excited to hang out with friends and enjoy some good times down in illinois/indiana.

so much more i could tell you, but i'm getting ready to hang out with the girls for a bit!

blessings,
krista

"it's not about how fast i get there, it's not about what's waiting on the other side, it's the climb." miley cyrus - the climb

do not judge me.

some people i know have done this on facebook.
it amused me because it has to do with music.
and most things are amusing when your brain is fried from doing homework all day...



Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Try not to repeat a song title.

Pick Your Artist: copeland

Are you male or female: she changes your mind

Describe yourself: control freak

How do you feel about yourself: not so tough found out

Describe where you currently live: testing the strong ones

If you could go anywhere, where would you go: california

Your best friend is: by my side

Your favorite color is: the grey man

You know that: what do i know?

What's the weather like: brightest

What is life to you: hold nothing back

What is the best advice you have to give: love is a fast song

If you could change your name, what would it be?: kite

Your favorite food is: coffee


"you have my attention, like you've had all the while. since that first day when you made my heart smile with loving eyes and tired sighs that flow... " copeland- you have my attention

homework week. lots of writing. expect big words.

it's somewhat unfortunate that this happens to be our "homework week" as i'm too distracted by finishing everything for class to spend ample time contemplating Jesus' death and resurrection. i mean, it is the cornerstone of my faith and most definitely worthy of my entire attention, but the papers and readings that i'm scholastically responsible for are taking precedence at the moment.

yesterday wasn't helpful- don't get me wrong, it was a fabulous day, i just didnt get very much accomplished. i spent the morning completing 2/3 of my 'outdoors' paper (which i just finished this morning, hence this break to blog) and spending some time in prayer with other honeyrock staff for our summer. right after lunch i worked on music for bible study, then we had bible study, then dinner, then our surprise party for angela, which lasted the rest of the night. i did a little reading before bed, but not as much as i probably could have.

sometimes i write really good papers.
and i amuse myself while doing so.
for your reading enjoyment, an excerpt from my 'outdoors' paper, encouraging our society put a bigger emphasis on the necessity for us all to spend more time outdoors and less in front of a computer or television screen.

"I have no doubt that exposing the current generation to the wonders of the natural world and instilling values of conservation and appreciation for the outdoors is absolutely critical to their ability to develop into citizens tho respect and protect the world around us. If not, the current trendiness of the 'green' movement is at risk of going by the wayside as quickly as the mullet, maintained only by society's cultural outliers"


yep.

"If you let your feelings go, dear, it's scary what you'll find. i find i'm on your street, dear, and you're always on my mind. and no one needs to know, that you let me in tonight. that you let me see the world... behind your eyes." jon foreman- behind your eyes

seasonally speaking.

i journaled this yesterday while taking a break from working on homework (yep, i'm back at honeyrock) and i thought i'd share it with you:

i needed a break from sitting and writing... because i was falling asleep. :-) so i went for a "run" since the sun's out today, even though it's a little bit chilly. 1/2 the ground is muddy, 1/4 is icy, and 1/4 is reasonably runnable. that and i'm not used to running again, especially on trails. it was still good though. i hung out at ski hill mostly because it was pretty dry there. i rand the little loop several times and went up and down the hill twice- laying at the top and soaking up the sun for a few minutes each time. it was a glorious time with God. as i made my way back to loberg i thought about the seasons, as spring is c learly fighting a battle against winter right now. i just think that sometimes we simply endure winter while secretly hoping and waiting for spring. sure we find ways to entertain ourselves in the snow and cold, we may even enjoy being out in the cold, but somewhere deep inside we long to be warm. isn't this also true of the "seasons of life"? we go through the "winter" of life with varying perspectives- hatered, excitement, apathy- just waiting for a break in the weather. and when it comes you'd be hard pressed to find anyone who would say, "i just wish it was really cold again and the days were darker..." at the end of a long, hard winter. we're told, commanded, expected to "patiently endure" our winters in life- these trials and hard times. these are easier to endure with others who are experiencing the same thing. someone living through a southern state winter cannot completely understand the brutality of a northwoods wisconsin winter. one who is going through trials and temptations, frustrations and doubt cannot be comforted in the same way by someone whose life is in the full bloom of spring. this is why we band together. two are better than one. where two lie down together they will be warm. warm enough, perhaps, to keep holding on to that distant hope for spring. if they are lucky, their springs will coincide and they will be blessed in rejoicing together the way they lamented before.
thre's something to be said for experiencing life together. i fully believe it's what God intended.



"i cannot hold it in or remain composed, love's taken over me..." - david crowder band, you are my joy

materialism.

i thought about starting a list of all the things i would like to purchase if it wouldnt cause me to need my own personal financial bailout....

... then i thought about how depressed that might make me.

*sigh*

overall i dont think i'm incredibly materialistic. but i do have my moments. especially when it comes to music.

oh well. i did snag some new stuff from itunes today before heading back into my northwoods bubble tomorrow. so that's exciting.

"if i traded it all, if i gave it all away for one thing, wouldn't that be something?" - finger eleven, one thing

i heart ypsilanti. and ann arbor...

today was great.
i got my tires rotated (... yeah real exciting) then bought my dress for the buckheirester wedding. :-)
i ate lunch at whole foods then headed to the allman house. i chatted with with deanna until she had to leave for work and played their piano until the kids got home from school. it was super fun to play with jenna & emmy all afternoon. i love those kids!!

after that i met up with frances and we went to the corner brewery to see tim & some of his coworkers who were hanging out there. when we walked in the door you will NEVER guess who i saw sitting there... it was KIWI! i was so stoked! i hadn't seen her in at least 3 years. it was so awesome to see her and catch up a bit. i love that girl. (for those of you who don't know, kiwi and i were CITs together at camp linden when we were 14-16 and on staff when we were 17. we were pretty much inseperable and people got us confused all the time. i had random milford adventures on weekends in high school and we ended up living together freshman year at EMU.)
i had some espresso love (beer + coffee = yum.) and then tim, fran, and i headed over to my favorite restaraunt- sidetracks! we enjoyed some tasty sidetracks treats (oh sweet potato fries... so good) and then i drove frances back home and we had one of our infamous car driveway talking marathons. it was sad to think that was the last one we'd ever have... cuz the next time i'm home she'll be getting married! those car talks got us through some huge stuff over the past 6 years.

tomorrow's my last day of break.
*sigh*
i knew it would be over quickly...

"now here's the sun, come to dry the rain, warm my shoulders and relieve my pain. you're the one thing that i'm missing here, with you beside me I no longer fear...i'd rather be with you... say you want the same thing too." josh radin- i'd rather be with you

childish/childlike... or what does it mean to be an adult...

when i was younger i used to think that once you graduated college your life would be smooth sailing. a spouse would suddenly appear. you'd have a perfect job and love where you live...

i have also tend to have an unrealistic and very romanticized expectation of what life should be.
i was exposed to a lot of media as a child.

i'm not disappointed by where i am in life right now. it's all been quite an adventure, and i wouldn't trade a minute of it, even the really tough stuff. i just sometimes get overwhelmed by the pressure of making good choices in terms of career/relationships/finances/etc. i am not a very good adult.
i like to play. i like to stare at the sky. i like to laugh. i like to listen to music. i like to have adventures. i like to be with people. i like to find ways to love and encourage people.

i don't like: trying to figure out what job to apply for next or where to move, worrying about never getting married (and the fact that i still have no idea how to interact with the opposite sex except for on a brother/sister level), focusing on finding the money to pay for things like my car, cell phone, etc.

the list goes on.


i heard someone talk once about the difference between being "childish" and "childlike"
i always hope that i'm leaning towards "childlike", but i'm sure i have my moments of childishness too. those are frustrating times. i hate watching myself be ridiculous.

and how do you maintain friends as an adult? elisabeth and i were talking about this today. it's definitely something that's been on my mind as more of my friends get married and as most of my friends live all over the place. do you choose your "best" friends by those located closest to you at any given point in time or by those who understand you best (and vice versa) no matter where they live and how often you speak? in this adult life i'm finding it harder to have "best" friends... but i also think they're something i need more than ever right now. and if i need that, i can't help but think other people need it too. it just takes a lot of work, and that's not something a lot of people seem willing to do anymore.

this all probably sounds pretty dismal, but that's not my intent at all. it's just another step in my verbal processing to try to figure out myself and how i fit into this world.


"i shall never grow up, make-believe is much too fun...this place is so lovely, it kind of makes me very happy" - eisley, brightly wound

real exciting... right??

okay. so i needed some time to set this up a little more before i really posted.
i think i already like the format better than my good old xanga.

you can catch up on the past 5ish years of my life on www.xanga.com/higher_than_I
but i think i'll be posting here from now on.


i have just a few more days in michigan before heading back to honeyrock on sunday. i'm not at all looking forward to all of that car time. i just get bored. and lonely. and impatient. if i didnt have music/sermons to listen to and amazing friends to talk to on the phone, i wouldnt make it on those drives.

spring break has been really good. it has felt like an eternity, but in a good way. i really needed the break. it was fanatastic to spend time with friends in evart for a week, and i absolutely LOVE volunteering at springhill, so that was super fun too.
my time at my mom's house was pretty good too. it was good to just be here and get some stuff taken care of, though i've still got a lot to do.
i had SO much fun in nashville over the past week. it was great to hang out with rachel, and such a bonus to also get to spend time with murphy, cassie, and joy.
rachel and i drove back to michigan today and i leave again this sunday... so it's going to be a busy next few days of finishing up things here and there.

and that's all of the excitement for now.
my favorite josh radin song just came on pandora.com
oh bliss
"...the best thing i can give to you is for me to go, leave you alone, you've got growin up to do. looks like the rain's falling down on me, it's drowning me now, and all i want is to come back home..." - josh radin, you got growin' up to do

hello blogspot.

i'm not sure how i feel about you yet mr.blogspot.
my loyalty to xanga.com runs deep... over 5 years deep.

but the time may have finally come for an upgrade.