i should be sleeping.

i'm always tired. i really wish 8 hours was enough sleep each night for me. but nooooo i have to be a freak who needs more than that. agh.

last week flew by.

amanda kelly came and spent the night on wednesday on her way out to cali. it was SO good to see her again, even for just 12 hours. she came out to the waldorff with my coworkers and i and it was a lot of fun.

friday night i headed down to indy and was so thrilled to spend the weekend with the miller family. i can't believe it was 2 years since i'd seen them last! never ever ever again will i let myself go that long between visits!! i can't even put into words how much they mean to me.

last week on thursday i was offered to stay here through the school year (beginning of june). i'm practicing thinking before i speak- so i asked them if i could think about it. (which was also actually code for i need to pray about it... because i'm so confused by where God is leading me lately)

so i thought, and i prayed, and i went to indy for the weekend and had my heart just torn up with longing to stay there and help them start the new ministry they're working on in downtown indy. i so wanted to stay. but i had to decide by today whether or not to stay here at OEC.

so i said i'd stay in battle creek. and i'm still debating whether or not that was the right move. will i ever be sure??

i have one of those personalities... i'm always afraid i'm missing out on something 'better'. i guess i'll never know. i suppose this is the 'responsible' move. but is responsible always better? am i living by the reckless faith that i know provides a better life? or is staying here denying myself and practicing discipline? i can justify it either way. and i love to justify everything.

"you dismantle me..." -anberlin, 'dismantle:repair'