wait for it...

every time i say "i'm done looking for jobs" i get that same urge to start searching again.

i don't even know what i want to do anymore, so how is looking for a job going to be helpful right now?

i like working in ministry. i like working at camp. i like working in camp ministry. i could probably like a lot of other jobs too.

the "where?" question is still there too.

last week at HRC church the speaker brought up the story of jacob and esau- jacob tried to manipulate God to make sure he got all of his promises fulfilled. i think i do that sometimes too. or at least try to. i know God will provide- i trust that. but i also like to do everything i can to make sure it all happens. is that really trusting? i'm not convinced it is.

but then where is the line between being responsible and having faith?
it seems pretty blurry to me...
because i don't believe God calls us to be apathetic and lazy either. if i pray "Lord give me a job" i don't think one will just fall into my lap. i have to be proactive in some way at least... but what does that even look like?

i have no idea.
i just watch the incredible friends i have who continue to step out in faith and watch as God continually provides for them in the most amazing ways.

i say i'm done job hunting for the summer.
i say i'm done worrying about what happens when i leave here in 10 weeks.
but maybe another fall sabbatical i just what the Lord has in mind for me again. i have to be ok with that if it's the case.

i want to be patient
and wait on the Lord.

"sing with your hands up, with your eyes closed, not because you love the song, but you love to sing..." copeland, you love to sing