when i was younger i used to think that once you graduated college your life would be smooth sailing. a spouse would suddenly appear. you'd have a perfect job and love where you live...
i have also tend to have an unrealistic and very romanticized expectation of what life should be.
i was exposed to a lot of media as a child.
i'm not disappointed by where i am in life right now. it's all been quite an adventure, and i wouldn't trade a minute of it, even the really tough stuff. i just sometimes get overwhelmed by the pressure of making good choices in terms of career/relationships/finances/etc. i am not a very good adult.
i like to play. i like to stare at the sky. i like to laugh. i like to listen to music. i like to have adventures. i like to be with people. i like to find ways to love and encourage people.
i don't like: trying to figure out what job to apply for next or where to move, worrying about never getting married (and the fact that i still have no idea how to interact with the opposite sex except for on a brother/sister level), focusing on finding the money to pay for things like my car, cell phone, etc.
the list goes on.
i heard someone talk once about the difference between being "childish" and "childlike"
i always hope that i'm leaning towards "childlike", but i'm sure i have my moments of childishness too. those are frustrating times. i hate watching myself be ridiculous.
and how do you maintain friends as an adult? elisabeth and i were talking about this today. it's definitely something that's been on my mind as more of my friends get married and as most of my friends live all over the place. do you choose your "best" friends by those located closest to you at any given point in time or by those who understand you best (and vice versa) no matter where they live and how often you speak? in this adult life i'm finding it harder to have "best" friends... but i also think they're something i need more than ever right now. and if i need that, i can't help but think other people need it too. it just takes a lot of work, and that's not something a lot of people seem willing to do anymore.
this all probably sounds pretty dismal, but that's not my intent at all. it's just another step in my verbal processing to try to figure out myself and how i fit into this world.
"i shall never grow up, make-believe is much too fun...this place is so lovely, it kind of makes me very happy" - eisley, brightly wound
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