something else

i went for a run tonight. actually, i just got done.
i hadn't run in a long time.
it felt good.
i forgot how much stress it relieves in me.
note to self: run more.

today was really stressful. sometimes work just seems to come out of nowhere.
so the run was good. the nooma video we watched with advance camp was good too. it was one i'd never seen before.

and, as often happens after the right combination of things in a day: reading for a little while before worship tonight (... i WILL finish this book dangit.), truly enjoying hanging out with the kids before they leave on friday, time spent singing, a nooma video, music, and a run at dusk, i had some really good thoughts as i ran down the infamously windy highway x.

i feel like people commonly talk bout wishing life was more of a straight path- it's the turns and hills that throw off predicitability. i guess i often find myself with that same wish. "just make it easy, God. show me a straight path to follow and i will"

i am a goal oriented person. it keeps me motivated. and as i ran down highway x i kept saying to myself "ok, you can run just to that next curve" or "alright, you're almost up this hill" and it kept me going. each curve and hill along the way was some sort of mini milestone in my run. i NEED those milestones, because i'm not really a very good runner. each tiny victory made the daunting task ahead of me seem somehow easier.

this parallels my life.
sure it'd be easier if there weren't so many twists and turns.
i feel like i've had a lot of unexpected curves over the past year or so. but i can't help but think that if my life was a straight road i would have missed something. a flat road lined with dull scenery isn't very fun to run on. it's the curves, the hills, the variences in surroundings that make it exciting for me. these small things tangibly mark the distance i've come. once again, this is true in my life.

the highs and lows, frustrations and joy, fears and hope that have overcome my heart in the past few years have made definitive marks on my life that i wouldn't give up for anything. they mark the path that God has brought me down, no matter how windy and curvy it's been and will continue to be.



"i believe in a faith that grows and the four right chords could make me cry, when i'm with you i feel like i could die and that would be alright... i want something else to get me through this life" third eye blind, semi-charmed life

kayak trips, sunny days, and heat lighting.

summer is here.

ok so technically it's not here until tomorrow, but we had a group from grand rapids (hollah!) come in this week so it feels like it's officially begun. that and the fact that it's eighty bagillion degrees outside.

john, rachel and i got to hang out with the kids from grace episcopal church all week on a kayak trip.

look how excited we are as we anxiously await their arrival. :-)

sunday night we did kayak training with them and tried our best to prepare them for the days to come. monday morning we headed out on our trip!

classic awesome group shot of us being... well, awesome.

we had fun as a group, lots of good times paddling, camping, and playing mafia.
oh and also BIFfing... yep, that was fun too. rachel and i were BIF buddies.

i'm soooooo glad rachel joined our team for this trip. i couldn't have done it without her.

our second night was spent at voyageur point. i liked that site a lot. it's surrounded by lilly pads.
here's a lilly pad flower.

our last night was at miller's cove. i think a lot of people liked that site best, despite the early morning rain shower. here's me and maddie with our angry faces on after playing a rousing game of mafia. she was totally mafia... :-)

kids come on monday for some of the programs (advance camp, some trips, res camp, service team) and more the next week. once things get going around here it will all be over before we know it! that's how camp goes.

3 weeks from today tim and frances are getting married! i'm excited for that.
4 weeks from today kevin and courtney are getting married! i'm excited for that too.

last night i sat outside in loberg parking lot watching the heat lightning in the distance with stars overhead. it was breathtaking. i can only remember watching a storm just like that one other time in my life...
it was beautiful.


"everything i knew of love, i was a long, long way off.... thank you for opening the window, the sky is clear as my mind is now... and i think i like how the day sounds" Greg Laswell- How The Day Sounds

wait for it...

every time i say "i'm done looking for jobs" i get that same urge to start searching again.

i don't even know what i want to do anymore, so how is looking for a job going to be helpful right now?

i like working in ministry. i like working at camp. i like working in camp ministry. i could probably like a lot of other jobs too.

the "where?" question is still there too.

last week at HRC church the speaker brought up the story of jacob and esau- jacob tried to manipulate God to make sure he got all of his promises fulfilled. i think i do that sometimes too. or at least try to. i know God will provide- i trust that. but i also like to do everything i can to make sure it all happens. is that really trusting? i'm not convinced it is.

but then where is the line between being responsible and having faith?
it seems pretty blurry to me...
because i don't believe God calls us to be apathetic and lazy either. if i pray "Lord give me a job" i don't think one will just fall into my lap. i have to be proactive in some way at least... but what does that even look like?

i have no idea.
i just watch the incredible friends i have who continue to step out in faith and watch as God continually provides for them in the most amazing ways.

i say i'm done job hunting for the summer.
i say i'm done worrying about what happens when i leave here in 10 weeks.
but maybe another fall sabbatical i just what the Lord has in mind for me again. i have to be ok with that if it's the case.

i want to be patient
and wait on the Lord.

"sing with your hands up, with your eyes closed, not because you love the song, but you love to sing..." copeland, you love to sing

so we went backpacking yesterday
and it was rainy
and cold
and it's a good thing my AMP friends are lots of fun, or we would have hated our trip due to the aforementioned rain and cold. :-)

i took a nap all afternoon.
cuz i needed it.

also i have newly developed painful blisters on my toes... which will make it difficult or impossible to go running tomorrow.
hmmmm.

5 weeks till fran's wedding
6 until courtney's.

i'm excited for both of these events.

2 weeks till campers come.
yikes.
i'm excited for that too.
camp's always more fun when there are kids around.

i don't have anything exciting to say.
i don't even have a song for you.

sometimes i get distracted by my job and don't post here.

whoops.

most exciting things as of late:
-all AMP kayak trip. that was fun.
-road trip to the soo with courtney, robyn, and heather.
-cutting kimmy's hair in the dark :-)
-going to see UP!
-upcoming backpacking excursion tomorrow with the other AMP camp girls
-lots of new music. happy.

yeah that's really it for now.


still no idea what happens when i'm done here in 2 1/2 months.
5 weeks till frances' wedding. woot.

"for you i sing, i dance. rejoice in this divine romance. lift my heart and my hands to show my love..."- phil wickham, divine romance

mid may update

summer's well on its way. well, mostly. it did flurry again yesterday. yes, flurry meaning snow. but the grass is green and the sun is out today.

i have the day off, then i'll be submerged in summer chaos for the next 2 weeks straight at least. really, i mean the next 3 months. this past week was great though, and if it's any indication of the days ahead, i'm overjoyed. summer 2009- bring it on.

i do have moments where i miss being at springhill staff training. it's good to be somewhere new, doing something different. and i'm excited for what lies ahead. i still don't really know what's going to happen this fall- i've applied to a few places, but no word yet. i like to think i'm flexible, but part of me really wants to be back in michigan. i guess the jury's still out- and in all reality i'll probably take whatever job is offered to me (within reason...)

life's good right now. sometimes it worries me to let those words slip out- i feel like it invites chaos. but that's kindof a superstitious way to live. and i'm not really a superstitious person. so life's good life's good life's good. :-)
though my chacos broke.
sad day.
they'll be getting sent in tomorrow for repairs.

that's really all the excitement for me right now.
grace and peace to you.

"God gives us hope but we still fear what we don't know." - the killers, dustland fairytale

oh it really IS spring.

i keep assuming that it will suddenly snow again... despite the fact that it's may 4th.

i need to enjoy the 50-60 degree weather we've been having over the past week and a half and remember it's here to stay and it's only gonna get warmer.

we finished the first part of ropes training and now i'm working on part 2. i'm excited that i get to be one of the fortunate few to go through the official adventure challenge facilitator training course. it's one of the things i came to honeyrock to learn and was starting to doubt i would get the chance to do.

some of our summer staff is already here- ok, well, just maquoto (he is from japan... and i have no idea how he spells his name... but he is awesome.) and that's been really great. more people will be joining us within the next week! crazy. things are going to get way busy around here. AND we have to move soon. it's bitter sweet. i'll miss the berg. but i'd better settle in to the chalet cuz the next 3 1/2 months will fly by i'm sure.

lots going through my head/heart. lots of good stuff. lots of growing stuff.

get pumped.

"don't stop believing, hold on to that feeling..." journey - don't stop believin'